


you’ve drunk it down and now you’ve spat it out (nothing tastes like the things you had)

by saltzmansleigh



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, angst shitfest, im sorry class, please dont sue me, post s3 but literally no canon connections??, rated mature for possible emotional damages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 13:50:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15438432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltzmansleigh/pseuds/saltzmansleigh
Summary: “Lena Luthor was, despite what many expected, a hero in every sense of the word.”Kara hadn’t reacted to it. She hadn’t shown any emotions in days. Alex knew the line was too late to bring any of them joy. No one except them were willing to call her a hero when she was alive.But people always talk once a person’s dead.





	you’ve drunk it down and now you’ve spat it out (nothing tastes like the things you had)

Alex wished she could say she’d been the one to find her. Hell, she wished she didn’t have to say it _at all_. But the main thing she wished was that none of them had to see it happen. Lena was stubborn, and she was adamant on not letting things get out of hand anymore.   
  
The bullet landed close to her heart. Not close enough to keep her from suffering longer than any of them wished. Not close enough to protect Kara from having to hear a choked “ _ I love you _ ” slip finally, without the promise of a future. The tears came to Kara first, and then the rest of them. She refused to let Lena go, desperately kissing lips that had started to become cold.   
  
When Alex forced her to leave Lena so they could figure out what to do, sobs turned into silent tears.   
  
It was the start of Kara shutting Alex out.   
  
Sam broke the news to Ruby carefully, with Alex by her side. Ruby cried as hard as Kara, pulled into Sam’s arms almost immediately. She cried until she fell asleep, and Alex’s throat was tight when she shut the door behind her, Sam’s quiet admission in her ears.   
  
_ She was the first person I told when I fell in love again. _   
  
Alex didn’t question who it was, her heart sinking quickly. They were supposed to discuss funeral arrangements tomorrow, and she didn’t want to think any more. Her feet lead her to a bar, and she downed cheap liquor.   
  
Alex didn’t remember the rest of the night.   
  


* * *

  
  
There was a heaviness between the group, a heaviness none of them could bring themselves to address. Black covered each of them, and Alex couldn’t look at Kara’s blank expression any longer, turning to Sam and taking her hand. The car ride was quiet, increasing the ache in their hearts.   
  
“Lena Luthor was, despite what many expected, a hero in every sense of the word.”   
  
Kara hadn’t reacted to it. She hadn’t shown any emotions in days. Alex knew the line was too late to bring any of them joy. No one except them were willing to call her a hero when she was alive.   
  
But people always talk once a person’s dead.   
  


* * *

  
  
Kara slipped harder than when Mon-El left. Focused on Supergirl more. Avoided any personal talk. She didn’t answer their texts or calls anymore. If it weren’t for the red and blue she saw occasionally, Alex would’ve assumed Kara had gone off the grid, disappeared, or returned to Argo.   
  
Sam said goodbye a month after the funeral. A tearful smile was exchanged, and they promised to keep in touch through texts or emails.   
  
Alex kept her feelings shoved into her chest; she couldn’t force her to stay in the city where her best friend died.   
  
Game nights faded from their schedules with Lena gone, Kara absent, Sam starting over, James not bothering after Kara screamed at him for his distrust the whole time, Winn too tired and needing a break for a while, and Alex replaced the ache and emptiness with the expensive alcohol Lena gave her as a gift once.   
  
It helped to forget who gave her it.   
  


* * *

  
Sam’s texts began to become more spaced and vague. Alex noticed the lack of emotion immediately, but she couldn’t blame the woman she loved.   
  
J’onn received her letter of resignation six months after the funeral. He didn’t say anything, but Alex knew he saw the spacey look in her eyes when she gave it to him. Her college days didn’t hold up to the present; the fun no longer existed.   
  
Cat called when she heard Kara quit CatCo, and Alex would’ve given her a few words about calling when it happened, but instead she slurred  _ Kara Danvers just doesn’t exist anymore _ .   
  
A large part of her believed the words. The sister she once had disappeared.   
  


* * *

  
  
Maggie gave her condolences when Alex drunk dialed her once. They both admitted they moved on, and Maggie didn’t say anything at the time about the slur in Alex’s words (though the slur had become a constant thing nowadays).   
  
Alex woke up to a number to a rehab facility and an AA group. She ignored it.   
  


* * *

  
  
The anniversary of her death, a rare sober Alex flew out to Sam’s new place. They both had looked better, and Sam’s concern at Alex’s appearance tugged at her heart.   
  
They drank wine that night, before they switched to something harder because it just  _ didn’t feel right without her. _   
  
Sam held her when she was almost too drunk, listening to her mumblings.   
  
Alex vaguely remembers lips pressed to her forehead after she slurred  _ I am in love with you, Samantha Arias. _   
  
She woke up fully clothed in Sam’s bed, pressed against a comforting warmth. Things felt a little bit better.   
  


* * *

  
  
The first time she saw Kara in about a year, she was a sobbing mess, crash landing in Sam’s yard. Solar Flare.   
  
The four of them——Sam, Alex, Kara, and Ruby——sat down that night and watched Lena’s favorite film.   
  
They managed to smile for the first time when thinking about her.   
  
When Kara recovered, she left with a promise to be every part of her once again, and she told Alex to not hesitate any longer. Sam wasn’t going to be around forever.   
  
(Her smile was sad, and her eyes were watery, but it was better than the empty look she carried for so long).   
  


* * *

  
  
Alex asked Sam on a date a year and a half after Lena’s death, and for the first time in that span, they felt genuinely happy.   
  
Kara called the next day, mentioning she’d visited Lena’s grave everyday with flowers. She’d been telling the stone how much she loved Lena back, and that day she sent Rao an offering, asking him to accept Lena into His light.   
  
She sounded at peace.   
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
Ruby graduated with flying colors, and they all felt Lena there, smiling next to them. Sam kissed Alex’s hand, right over the wedding ring before lifting little Lena onto her hip. Kara floated in the background in her Supergirl suit, smiling softly.   
  
While helping Barry once again, she met Earth-One Lena, who had comforted her and spoke to her softly, helping Kara understand the wishes Lena would have for someone she loved if she died. Kara said it was the lightest she felt since that day.   
  
She visited once a month. Alex was just glad to finally see her smile a little more often since they lost her.   
  


 

  
  
Lena Luthor had been a hero in every sense of the word, and while her death had crushed them, her memory and impact carried on what she once might have hoped to do, inspiring them and every other citizen that heard of her acts of good in contrast to the Luthor Legacy.   
  
Kara often spoke of her hopes of meeting her once again. This time in Rao’s light, where they could experience their firsts together for eternity. Where they could love with no risks.   
  
And Alex never doubted it. Lena was the one person that belonged in Rao’s light with certainty, and she was meant to have happiness in that eternity.

  
Alex could only hope they were all set to be happy there,  _ together _ , once again.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry. feel free to yell at me on twitter @scrofanosleigh


End file.
